Singled Out

Hey! I know it's been a while. I've been lazy. Not too lazy because my roomy and I did our spring cleaning today (okay, so it's closer to winter but does it really matter!?)

I read this article today on a website I visit often enough.

Here it is: http://www.thesoko.com/thesoko/

Now for the article. It's title is exactly the title of this post. Read on fellow single friends and enjoy! I love the points she makes. Especially the last line!

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Flying Solo in the Face of Clichés Singled Out in The Soko
In this new column on TheSoko.com, Lyra Pappin takes us into her life as a single girl... and no guys, she doesn't want to give you her number.

People always ask me why I’m single. There are a lot of reasons, and they’re valid! Good ones! Non-threatening even. So why do I always feel like I’m on trial when I’m asked?
Single people are defensive about being single, married people are defensive about being married, everyone is defensive about their education, jobs, likes and dislikes. I’m tired of it – I’m tired of caring and I’m tired of people asking WHY. Although all of these irritations have irked me at one time or another, what I am most sick of is pleading my case for being single. What is the big deal? Why are we so hung up on this?

Maybe part of the problem is that we engage in too much over-analyzing, critiquing and judging. Does this mean I will stop analyzing, critiquing and judging? Hell no. That would probably take a miracle. Or as others would put it, love. I’ll be Honest True love. Right. Today I’m skeptical, other days I might be more open to it, but on either day, I still feel almost guilty about considering my opinions and views on relationships. It’s like I wish I were beyond it or something. But isn’t that crazy? The truth is that no matter how many important issues are going on in the world, and no matter how hard you try to eschew all those little things that seem trivial and superficial, you can’t deny that love does indeed make the world go ‘round. Well, maybe for some.
For others, there are more options. Or at least others have the ability to prioritize. I’m not promoting the existence of a solitary, miserable world full of loveless unions and strictly rational, heartless approaches to our daily dealings but some logic and intellectualizing might not be so bad.

Why am I Single, you ask?
Everyone seems to want some explanation or reason from those who are single. Did I just break up with someone? Am I looking for a new relationship? Have I been to this great new bar where all the guys are? NO. I haven’t. Is it so revolutionary to propose that it’s not a woman’s top priority to snare a man?

Another cliché I’m sick of is the sweet, victim-y single gal trying in vain to put herself out there and give it a shot! Except that, my oh my, the world is one crazy place and I’m just a wide-eyed doe, unable to cope.

I don’t know who is, but I am certainly not leading a whacky life filled with amusing anecdotes like splitting my pants while dancing or having food stuck in my teeth while tripping over a black cat on my way to meet a man who ends up being gay, into S&M or married. And I certainly wouldn’t be happier if I were unlucky enough to suffer through that nonsense.

Life as a Single Girl
My actual life as The Single Girl is not that episodic. Strange things happen, yes; there are ups and downs, for sure, but I have next to no interest in defending my single status or breaking my back trying to change it.

Why isn’t it okay to be single? I don’t have an answer to that. I have been single for much more time than I’ve been in relationships, and obviously both have their pros and cons. I am just as interested in being in a loving, committed relationship as the next guy or girl, but I do not think all this whining, worrying and scheming to trap someone is worth it.
If we’re all being honest with ourselves, all the primping, prep and love advice from faceless folks and Bridget Jones are traps. Whether it’s keeping your mouth shut about religion, sex and politics on the first date, not telling her about your obsession with football on the phone or rehearsing interesting anecdotes, it’s all a bunch of clichéd nonsense meant to hide who you truly are and hope you can fool someone long enough to get them interested in you.
That’s just how the system works.

But let’s not kid ourselves. I do it too – how can we not? If anyone out there is convinced that they portray themselves 100% honestly to future lovers, congratulations. I’m not sure I buy it, but clearly, you are a superior evolutionary being. For the rest of us, I have some distinctly non-Bridget Jones advice for you: accept it and move on.

My Kind of Single
Let’s all try to stop pretending that we aren’t always willing to put ourselves out there. We’re not just naturally buff, thin, hilarious, and brilliant. These things take work. Big secret – big deal! And do you know where there is a wonderful opportunity to learn and develop? The single life.
Being single does not mean crying nightly and enviously glaring at couples, it means a lot of things, but the real perk is doing things on your own, for yourself. I didn’t always love it, but after being in relationships that definitely didn’t work out, being single again was like taking a breath of fresh air, and I don’t plan to stop breathing any time soon.
It’s not something anyone should have to defend. I don’t want to go to dinner parties or work and have people ask me why I’m single or if I have a boyfriend, as if that would somehow make me more stable, valid, interesting, or “normal”.

The World as we Know it
Although I think these questions are often innocent, the mentality they stem from seems rooted in a deeper, societal stance that it’s not normal to be okay on your own. Take the US election and even Canada’s election of a conservative government. There are so many moral debates raging in the world, but what is constantly emphasized? “Family” issues and protecting them. Let’s make sure it’s safe for our sons and daughters to get married and have babies – then everything will be a-ok!

The so-called “family” issues are imbedded in our minds as THE most important moral concerns. I beg to differ. There is much more to life than propagating the species.
Before I get carried away here, let me make it clear that I realize and understand that single people aren’t the saviors and saints of society and family life is important. I know. I also know that the search, nay – hunt for love isn’t always what brings us love, or happiness.

We need to break free of the notion that being single is a curse or something to pity. You can get a lot done while you’re single and have a good time doing it too. I hope to continue this when and if I do meet someone who truly enriches my life, but for now, I’ll just keep doing things for myself, by myself. I heard it’s a great way to meet men.
Just kidding.